Sample Job Listing with translation

Do you want to join an exciting new company and make a difference? (We’re a startup, we suck, we need help)

We have an immediate need for a Senior (They have no idea what this is) Architect / Developer / Engineer / DBA / Analyst for a fun (Insane) 3-6 month project (They don’t know how long stuff should take) as a contractor (Because for some reason they don’t see a long term need for this bargain guru)

Must have a Bachelors Degree in Computer Science, have 12 years of professional experience in the IT industry, 5 years experience in our specialized industry, know all the web languages, all the scripting languages, know all of the C++, Alphabet++, Be an expert in Unix, Windows, Linux, and Mac OSX, 5 years as a manager. (Someone who perfectly fits the position that we can’t define, who works for a company that is virtually a clone of ours even thought that would mean they too are bankrupt.)

Salary: $20 – $30 / hour DOE (Depending on your experience you’ll get paid like a trucker. Despite our requirements for a gates / wozniak / jobs in their early days hybrid)

(Maybe we aren’t willing to pay what it will take to get our company out of the ditch. Lets just continue to treat our IT personnel like they are a bunch of high school geeks with no need for compensation because they do this stuff for fun anyways. Besides, our company is built on __Fill_in_the_blank_here___ our web prescence / network / database / email / security isn’t our top priority.)

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You wouldn’t believe how true this is. Of course it has sarcasm and exageration, but people are seriously kidding themselves. IF they ever fill some of these positions they will get someone who is either lying like a politician, or someone who is desperate for some reason. Why would you do this to yourself? Has anyone learned from Googles example yet? Do these people still reject the VCR? I want to run a company someday… one the main purposes being so that I can implement the hiring methodologies that I believe in so firmly…

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2 comments on “Sample Job Listing with translation

  1. I have typically found job listings for technical positions that actually make sense to be a rarity. More often than not about every competency under the Sun is listed and there is very little idea of what is expected.
    Sometimes this is because the job posting itself is done by a placement firm, that is hiring to have a pool of talent for their clients.
    Otherwise its because some HR schmuck is in charge of the hiring and having no clue decides to dump in every acronym just to be sure.

  2. One more peeve of mine… the “If I hire someone from a 3rd world country They can do the same job for less than my janitor” Not only is this false in everyway possible, it’s dumb. Once again, this thought process puts the cost of the person first and the quality of their work / value add etc. afterwards. I have worked on projects that would happily pay a Haitian top dollar if they could make their product profittable… isn’t that what it’s all about? If you hire someone that makes you money isn’t that usually better than someone you just aren’t spending as much money on?

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